Pointless Lib Dem makes pointless remark

Seemingly desperate to be offended, Lib Dem MP Bob Russell is in shock at the behaviour of the Prime Minister's Official Spokesman. But what, prey tell, could the PMOS have done to have had such a malicious effect on poor, sensitive Bob Russell?

Having eaten babies for breakfast and then dissembled to assembled journos at lunchtime, the PMOS then, at the PM lobby, proceeded to refer to the 'black economy'.

Bob Russell spoke to Gallery News, " I am shocked that Downing Street uses the reference 'black economy' - this term was dropped years ago, certainly by state organisations like Customs and Excise, to the more sensitively acceptable term 'grey economy' or 'shadow economy'.

Bob said" The term 'black economy' has racial overtones. Downing Street is thus politically incorrect to use this term."

Words can, of course, injure and outdated terms can prove insensitive but surely Bob Russell is the only one to be 'shocked' by the PMOS' reference?

Of course, if he is shocked by such careless language then he dare not look at some Lib Dem material from, erm, yesterday. Responding to John Reid’s announcement of limits on Bulgarians’ and Romanians’ right to work in the UK, Liberal Democrat Shadow Home Secretary, Nick Clegg MP said:

"First, the danger of discriminating against all non-EU low skilled
migrants is that they will be simply driven underground into the black economy and the hands of exploitative gangmasters".

Bob had also better have a lay-down just in case he chances upon the following from other Lib Dem sources...

Liz Lynne, Lib Dem MEP and Employment Spokesperson in the European Parliament, said in her press release of 2 June 2006, "We must clamp down on the black economy, not encourage it."

Enfield Lib Dems, meanwhile, reporting on the Lib Dem stall at the Autumn fair, said on September 13 2006: "We discussed a range of issues with local residents....concerns regarding people avoiding income tax through off-shore payments and the thriving local black economy were but a few."

So it appears that if its the political incorrect you're after, it might be best to check out those Lib Dems after all.

Putin his foot in it

Russian President Putin has met with Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert and seen fit to express his sympathy for Israeli President Moshe Katsav, who faces charges of serial rape.

After a meeting between Israeli and Russian delegations, the following occurred (according to Kommersant):

After that, the press was ushered out, and the president apparently thought the microphones had been turned off. “Say hi to your president,” Putin said. “He turned out to be quite a powerful person! Raped ten women! We're all amazed. We all envy him"

If true, it rather puts the Bush/Blair's off-mike comments into perspective...

The article is a little surreal, given it comes with the title "Israel Refuses to Recognize Roman Abramovich", which sounds like something straight out of the Onion, but someone forwarded me this from a messageboard so it must be true.

(Hat tip:MR)

Madonna, Guy and David...

THE SCENE: Ashcombe House, a country estate on the Wiltshire/Devon borders. GUY RITCHIE is sprawled out on the chaise-lounge. He is alone and watching Animal Hospital. The TV shows a dog on the inspection table in a veterinary surgery. The dog is barking aggressively.

GUY RITCHIE: Just shoot the bitch! Geez, five-hundred nicker just for an examination and now that slag wants it to go in kennels. Un-fucking-believable.

The door opens. Richie’s spouse, Madonna, walks in. She is carrying a child.

MADONNA: Cooommme on Guy, what have I told you about watching Animal Hospital with the curtains closed? Open the drapes, will ya? Let a Ray of Light through, for chrissakes.

GUY: Sorry, dahlin. Won’t ‘appen again. Whatchya carrying there then? Its not another bleedin’ book on Kabbalah is it?

MADONNA: It’s a baby, Guy.

GUY: A baby? Blimey. Let's have a butcher's, then…

GUY rises from the chaise-lounge, takes the child in his arms and tenderly unwraps the shawl from around the baby. MADONNA beams with pride.

GUY: Where do you get it from then?

MADONNA: Malawi.

GUY: Malawi? Is that north or south of the river?

MADONNA: Its in Africa…It’s a democratic, densely populated country located in southeastern Africa. It has Zambia to the north-west, Tanzania to the north, and Mozambique surrounding it on the east, south, and west. And…

GUY [interrupts]: You got that off wikipedia didnchya? You know fuck-all about Malawi.

MADONNA: Give us a break, Guy, will ya? Open Your Heart. This child’s been through a lot. This is it’s a chance for a better life. It will get an education, a decent house, a chance to achieve something…maybe a No.1 album or…

GUY: Is it kosher?

MADONNA: No. I’ve told you Guy, I’ve given up on Kabbalah.

GUY: No, you silly slag, I mean did it fall off a back of a lorry?

MADONNA: No, of course not. Like any other prospective adoptive parent there’s a whole vetting process to go through…

GUY [interrupts]: A vetting process? I’ve just been watching that on Animal Hospital. It’s a fucking scam…

MADONNA: No, not vets…vetting! Checks on the parents, how they live, what they can offer the child…that kinda thing.

GUY Oh. Yeah, right, sorry. But we can bypass all that, right?

MADONNA: Yeah, yeah, of course. It’s Borderline but my publicist reckons that a few photo ops with the kid at the zoo should do it.

GUY and MADONNA look into each other’s eyes and then at the baby. They then hear the smashing of glass. VINNIE JONES enters the room by breaking through the window. He is carrying a pack of disposable nappies and holding a shotgun.

VINNIE: I've got some bad news for you two.

MADONNA: It’s alright. We know. Guy’s been turned down for the Animal Hospital Movie.

VINNIE: Its worse than that.

GUY: Fuck, no.

VINNIE kicks GUY in the crotch and takes the child, putting the baby under his arm.

VINNIE: Mind your language in front of the boy!

GUY: Jesus Christ!

VINNIE kicks GUY in the crotch again

VINNIE: That includes blasphemy as well!

GUY: What do you want?

VINNIE: I’m from Wiltshire child services. I’m taking the kid in.

[VINNIE turns to Madonna and stares before striding back out the window he entered from].

GUY & MADONNA: Shit!

Satire is dead

When Henry Kissinger won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1973, the distinguished musical satirist Tom Lehrer declared "It was at that moment that satire died".

When Sion Simon does a video* 'satirising' WebCameron then satire hasn't just died but been dug up again, had stakes driven through its mutilated corpse and then been reburied in concrete.

The Birmingham Erdington MP has said that "Nobody in the Labour party has said anything to me other than, 'Well done, good effort, very funny.'" Hmmm. Really? If that's the case then our party might be in more trouble than we thought.

Should an MP be going to the effort of making such a video? It hardly brings dignity to the office of MP does it?

But if he is going to do it then at least make it good. And it really isn't. The Sky News interview adds to the crowning shiteness of it all with Simon coming across like a stroppy adolescent. When he tries to make out the video is a searing indictment of Cameron's egregious politics and shallow media engagement he sounds like the teenager making out that stealing that CD from HMV was to strike a blow against the capitalist system.

We're having a difficult time landing a glove on Cameron at the moment. He's vacuous and cynical, its true, but having an irritating little prick make a half-arsed attempt at satire - and one that dies on its arse - doesn't seem the best way to highlight the egregious ways of the Tories.

Novel ways to attack Cameron and the Tories might be necessary but let's make sure these tactics are effective...and don't involve Sion Simon.

*The video now seems to have been removed....

Zizou

I saw Zidane at the Curzon Soho on Friday. He was doing keepy-uppys in the cafe, with a gauloise in one hand and a copy of Camus' L'Etranger in the other...

Nah, silly. I mean Zidane: A 21st Century Portrait. Less a film and more an art installation, it was hypnotic and mesmerising in parts but, devoid of plot, it was, for long periods, a tad dull.

Zidane's may not have been in the best of form at the time of the game featured - although there are occasional flashes of his sublime skills - but what is striking about the film is how little he is involved in the game. Much of the game passes without his influence and you realise what a lonely existence it can be; out-there, on the pitch, even in the midst of a team game and surrounded by 80,000 supporters. Only viewing the overall context, i.e. the game and the other 21 players, for very brief spells serves to highlight the partial existence of the individual player.

I've seen it printed that you should see this only if you are a football fan and/or a Zidane fan. That's possibly true as otherwise you may think it pretentious twaddle, but for a football fan it is also a curious watch. As a fan you inevitably long to see more footballing action, to witness another example of Zidane's genius, and to watch the game in its wider context. But the film's purpose is not to provide an orthodox review of Zidane's finest moments - it wouldn't be any different from a Sky-Sports style feature if it did - so the film does become a bit frustrating for your average football fan. Having said that, most football fans know all about frustration so they might find the film a cathartic experience.

So I'm not sure I can give a thumbs-up to Zidane but its certainly better than this guy's efforts...