While stocks last....£1.38 a pint

Beer on wine, feel fine. Wine on beer, feel queer.

Whichever order you imbibe them in, it is cheap to drink alcoholic drinks in Parliament's bars. No news in that statement but the House of Commons Commission has just published figures detailing the number of litres of alcohol consumed over the 11 months from April 2006-February 2007.

In the bars and restaurants, 34,377 litres of beers and ciders were consumed at a cost of £52,260. I'm assuming the 'cost of consumption' is the price the punters pay for it, which works out at around £1.52 a litre and around £1.38 a pint...which is'nae bad value at all.

Any Dream Will Do

In my MPs postbag today....

An invite to my MP to attend the Credit Today Awards Dinner in May. Who says MPs don't live a life of pampered privilege and high-octane entertainment?

The awards, as if you didn't know, are 'the most prestigious in the credit industry' and they are to be hosted by that king of financial expertise...Graham Norton! What a great night will be had by all as they rejoice at the winner of the 'Best Supporting Credit Controller in a Data Protection Act' while hackneyed double-entendres bounce off the walls (that will be Norton rather than the finance delegates).

Also in my MP's postbag today is a nicely presented pamphlet from Saga fashion model, Michael Meacher MP(the soft-focus photo on the front of his leadership manifesto initially led me to think MM was doing a 2-for-1 promotion on bi-focals). No doubt we'll be inspired by the Meacher message and place it in the recycling bin. It's what he would have wanted.

Friday frippery

Down with the yoof on You-tube

Pip Scroobius offers a list of useful commandements to live by ('Thou shall not quote me happy").Check it (but don't wreck it...) here.

Entertaining Lyrical genius or naff novelty act? You decide! (text in to 0800lobotomy)

Footballer in inane comment shocka

Ian Nolan is always brillant value. Displaying the entertaining virtuosity which make Bolton Wanderers such a prize draw for football neutrals, Nolan peppers his BBC column with a wealth of penetrating insights. This week he describes, in excruciating detail, how he came to chose Paul Scholes for PFA Footballer of the Year, "I picked up a pen. Then I moved my hand in a forward, sideways and then backward motion to establish an imprint on the nomination form. This inscription marked the letters P-A-U-L..."

But it gets better. He is posed the following question by an interested member of the public:

Kevin,
Which actor would you have in a film about your life, and why?
Des O Gorman, UK

Kevin ruminates for a moment and then [Eureka!] he answers:

Al Pacino - no question. I think he is absolute class as an actor. I have seen a
lot of his films and think that he's so talented he would be able to do a pretty
decent Scouse accent.

Al Pacino. A predictable choice Kev. I'd thought Paddy Considine would have been more appropriate but its your movie.

Infrequent posting

I'm usually crap at updating my blog anyhow but I'll be away for a week now. I'm repeating my journey of last year and off to Nooorn Iiseland for the week.

Have a good Easter (uprising)!

On the slide

Abusing the freedom of the Easter Recess (and the absence from Westminster of my MP), I got myself down to the Tate Modern before work this morning and had a go on Carsten Holler's slides.

Skillfully employing the talent developed through years of supermarket shopping, I managed to position myself so I evaded the associated groups of overseas students and nabbed the second ticket of the day for the Level 5 slide. The slide was excellent, although the whole experience was over just as I started to enjoy it (....), and it really is a great way to start the day. As Mr Holler himself has said:

They’re also a device for experiencing an emotional state that is a unique condition somewhere between delight and madness. It was described in the fifties by the French writer Roger Caillois as ‘a kind of voluptuous panic upon an otherwise lucid mind’.

And who am I to disagree.

From a paen to slides to a nation on the slide (see what I did there...). Iain Dale's linked to an article by Tim Montgomerie which helpfully explains why Britain's influence is on the wane. You can read the 10 key factors on Dale's blog but here's the next ten 'key' factors, narrowly missing out on the list, that have contributed to Britain’s vulnerability in 2007:

1. Female suffrage.
2. Indian independence
3. The National Minimum Wage
4. Channel 4
5. The Human Rights Act.
6. Political correctness.
7. The Guardian
8. John Prescott
9. The scrapping of Clause 28.
10. The demise of the old-style Kit Kats with their silver foil and separate red wrapper.

These aren't mine by the way, but I do rue the passing of No.10 (or have these come back now? I get my butler to go to the newsagents these days).

(Pic: Tate Modern, Tate website)