Brown just doesn't do it for me

"They taught me that most of politics isn't about politics, in the sense of meetings, resolutions, speeches or even Parties. It starts with people.

It's about friendship, art, culture, sport. It's about being a fully paid up member of the human race before being a fully paid up member of the Labour Party."
Tony Blair, Labour Party Conference 2006.

"If I thought the future of politics was just about celebrity and not about something more substantial, I wouldn't be in politics.

If being in public life becomes about image above all else then I don't believe politics would be serving the public."
Gordon Brown, Labour Party Conference 2006

Unfortunately for Gordon, celebrity and image do matter in modern politics. Perception is important. If unemployment is at 3 million, a smile and a good bedside manner won't win the incumbent party an election but a Prime Minister must show personal authority and be able to transmit this authority to the nation. Blair's personal charm and ability to communicate may have lifted the bar in this respect - we didn't expect any of this from John Major in 92' - but Brown's failure to come close should raise alarm bells within the Labour Party membership.

In a public contest about being a 'fully paid up member of the human race' Brown stands to lose out. He might be the best Chancellor since the Crusades. He might be humorous and charming in private. He might be a pinball-wizard in his spare-time. But none of this matters because he is unable to communicate his genuine passion for politics in a manner which convinces the general public that they want to be a part of his project.

Writing after the Chancellor’s own conference speech, Polly Toynbee’s article was entitled “There is no longer any doubt: Brown will be the next PM”. Wishful thinking on Polly’s part, me thinks. There are plenty of doubts and not just those aired by disgruntled Cabinet colleagues. Real concerns must remain about whether Gordon can lead us in the Labour Party to victory in the next election. The polished performance of Blair's speech this week not only showed the Labour Party what it would be missing but it also served to highlight Brown's own deficiencies in this area.

Witness Brown's reaction to the tribute paid by Blair. Upon hearing these words Brown appeared to suffer a malfunction - 'Praise...cannot compute'. And it wasn't just when Blair spoke that Brown's body language was all wrong. When Clinton spoke of the Chancellor's achievements, a chip in Brown's CPU said 'smile'. Unfortunately Brown's team hadn't yet downloaded the necessary patch so after a quick flash of teeth the system error of the previous day was replicated and Brown's face reverted to a blank screen...

It might seem harsh to focus on every reaction and every word. It might appear to trivalise politics to focus on presentation in this way. But it is important that a leader is able to present the ideas of the party to the nation and Brown looks as if he will struggle to do this effectively. It might be nice to think that electing Brown as leader would show that we in the Labour Party are serious about the politics rather than the froth. But the fact is that we would be choosing someone who will not have the benefit of being a new face to the public and who lacks the skills to communicate a fresh message to voters.

So, unlike Kerron, I don't think I want Gordon to be our next leader. But whatever happens there must be a proper contest. Just don't let John Reid win it...

Reflections on the Blair speech

The Messiah complex

The Rev Rt Hon Tony Blair (Tuesday 26 September 2006, Manchester): “in the years to come, wherever I am, whatever I do. I'm with you”.

Rt Hon Mr Jesus Christ (23 July 30AD, Judea) word: 'Lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world." (Gospel of St Matthew)

(Hat tip: RW)

West Wing

Season 6: Approaching his last year in office, President Bartlett attempts to bring peace to the Middle East.

Year 10: In his last year in office, Prime Minister Blair announces that he attempts to bring peace to the Middle East.

Blair's last conference speech...but the world goes on for the Express and the Mail

Front pages from the nationals:

'And now the end is near … I did it my way’ The Sun

‘Blairwell’ The Mirror

'Tony Blair's last hurrah’ The Times

'The long good-bye' The Independent

'Going, going, not quite gone’ The Guardian

The Express and the Mail cover the news in their own inimitable style....by focusing on the twin-dangers of food and foreigners. Their front pages....

Dangers lurking in fruit and veg Daily Express
Thousands queue for a life in Britain Daily Mail

Man Bites Panda

"If a dog bites a man then that's not a story...but if a man bites a dog...THAT'S A STORY"

The course director at our journalism school was seldom happier than when trotting out this dog-eared piece of journalistic wisdom...which might explain why journalists would have been barking mad not to pick up the dog-and-bone and follow up this lead, erm, story:

Man bites panda after zoo attack

A drunken Chinese tourist says he bit a panda who attacked him after he jumped into a zoo enclosure to "hug" the bear. Zhang Xinyan, 35, had drunk four draught beers before deciding to enter the Beijing Zoo pen belonging to six-year-old male panda Gu Gu.

The startled Gu Gu bit both legs of his intruder, who responded by biting the panda on its back", Mr Zhang was quoted by state media as saying. Mr Zhang said he had not realised pandas could be violent.

More here.

Surprise birth ends Labour succession crisis

Blairite loyalists were celebrating today after Victoria HQ, the central office of the Labour Party, gave birth to a baby boy who will one day become the 52nd Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.

While scientists and medical experts raised questions concerning the child’s genealogy, the rest of the country greeted the arrival with relief that a boy had been born into the governing party for the first time. Relief was expressed at averting a succession crisis that had not only threatened to bring one of the world's oldest democracies to the brink of extinction but also the very real prospect of a wave of mass destruction as the nation’s citizens kicked in their televisions at the umpteenth annunciation of the phrase “stable and orderly transition”.

The baby's arrival is expected to put on hold talk of a timetable for a Brownite succession which would have allowed the Chancellor to take the premiership. The new arrival, who will be named in a ceremony in a week's time, is the first child to be born into the governing party and will, owing to a little known rule in the party’s constitution (clause 7, subsection 5), become the new leader of the party when current leader, Anthony Charles Lynton Blair, decides to step down.

The 2.55kg (5lb 10oz) baby, conceived by artificial insemination using the revolutionary Byers-Milburn procedure, was said to be doing well after the delivery, by Mandelsonean section, at a private hospital in Pimlico. Following the ground-breaking techniques utilised in the baby’s conception, and repeated exposure during pregnancy to recordings of the current PM’s speeches, it is expected that the new arrival’s first words will include a pledge to continue the Blair legacy. A stinking nappy policy statement to feed into the Chancellor’s Comprehensive Spending Review plans is also anticipated sometime in the New Year.

Current PM Tony Blair, 53, was seen doing cartwheels in the garden of No.10 and has yet to speak publicly about the birth, although he was quoted as thanking his party for "a job well done". The Chancellor was unavailable for comment. Treasury sources indicated, however, that while the Chancellor had thrown his toys out of the pram at news of the birth, it was likely that a complicated PFI deal would be struck to ensure these assets would not be passed on to the new arrival.

Now the identity of the next Prime Minister has become clear, a cabinet reshuffle is likely with current Home Secretary John Reid expected to be named Godfather. Current Chancellor Gordon Brown can, however, look forward to spending some time on the naughty step.

Rigorous journalism

In yesterday's Guardian Media, from the Media Monkey Diary:

When the BBC said it wanted more rigorous journalism in its sports coverage, Monkey's not sure this is what it meant. In the interests of investigative journalism, Match of the Day 2 reported that Everton FC charges people pounds 3,000 to be a matchday mascot at Goodison Park. After "numerous complaints" from fans and the club itself, the BBC will exclusively reveal in Sunday's programme that, er, Everton has never charged for the privilege of being a matchday mascot, the journalistic equivalent of a 10-0 home defeat.

The Guardian's sister paper, the Observer, in its 'For the Record' section on August 27 :

In 'Premiership club charges £3,500 to be a mascot' (News, last week), we said that Everton FC requires payment from the families of young supporters who want to be mascots. This is inaccurate.

In fact, the club has two quite different schemes: a traditional match-day
mascot scheme and a corporate mascot scheme. The match-day mascot is, and always has been, free; those selected are drawn from the club's supporters' section or are nominated by local charities and children's hospitals. These match-day mascots also get free tickets for the whole family and a tour of the stadium. The corporate mascot is nominated by a sponsor as part of a luxury package which includes executive seating and hospitality. We are happy to clarify this and offer our apologies for any embarrassment caused. In the same article, we neglected to say that Tottenham Hotspur offers some free mascot places and mistakenly said that Manchester City charges on some occasions. It does not.

That will be the journalistic equivalent of two 10-0 home defeats then...