Your summer movie preview

May 5 Mission: Impossible 3 M:I: 3

In the third film of the series, Tom Cruise plays a man mocked by society for his deeply held religious beliefs. Frustrated by the way society views him, Cruise, playing a down-and-out Hollywood multi-millionaire, fights a desperate battle to prove his sanity and the enlightened appeal of his faith.

The movie, which again sees Cruise doing his own stunts, features a series of daring action sequences. Witness Cruise acrobatically jump on a sofa during a chat show appearance and then, without fear for his personal safety, urge his pregnant girlfriend to remain silent during the baby’s delivery.

The set-piece of the movie is, though, the CGI-enhanced finale sequence, dubbed ‘The Fight for the Placenta’, where our hero clashes with a mid-wife and team of medical staff to do battle for the umbilical cord, a prize which he plans to eat for brunch.

Phillip Seymour Hoffman plays Oprah Winfrey. Kate Bush plays Katie Holmes.

May 19 The Da Vinci Code

An intriguing split-narrative film which plays out in two parts, each lasting 3 months.

In the first piece Tom Hanks plays Leonardo Da Vinci, a little known Italian artist who suddenly realises he is the subject of a best-selling novel. Giving up the painting and decorating job which has hitherto been his life, Leonardo discovers that all those years at art school were a waste of time. Hanks, aiming for a third Academy award, delivers a powerful performance of a man facing existential crisis but finally finding meaning when he dedicates his life to writing airport fiction. Julian Clarey stars as Pope Pius II.

In the second narrative, Tom Hanks plays Tom Walker, a man driven to solve the riddle of Dan Brown’s Da Vinci Code. Tom forms a crack unit of ace book-hunters, recruited for their specialist skills (hearing, power of speech, map reading), dedicated to uncovering the real reason for the mass appeal of Dan Brown’s best-seller.

After an exhaustive trek across four travelcard zones Tom finally confronts the fate he was desperate to avoid - he must read the Da Vinci Code. Sipping on a mochaccino in a local Starbucks, Tom realises he has lived his life as a cultural snob, always ready to dismiss a film or a book on the basis of its widespread popularity. Armed with this fresh insight, Tom discovers the Da Vinci Code is actually a very good read and vows never again to be so damning of something he hasn’t read before.

The viewer then realises the awful truth – Tom has had a lobotomy.

May 26 X-Men: The Last Stand – The Euston Manifesto

The soul-searching, angst ridden X-men have always regarded themselves as a cut above your average superhero. This time, however, they venture away from the world of tight costumes and superhuman powers and into the world of leftist politics.

The X-Men franchise closes with a full-scale stand-off where the mutants must choose between clinging to their beliefs in freedom, solidarity and democracy (the ‘Euston Manifesto’ of the title) or giving up on these ideals and throwing their lot in with the ‘anti-imperalist’ reactionary Socialist orthodoxy, led by George ‘Corrupto’ Galloway.

Sir Ian McKellen plays Professor Emeritus Norm Geras.Tom Cruise, who lost height but gained obnoxious opinions and toxic cigars for the role, plays George Galloway.

June 9 Omen 1966

In this innovative take on the 1976 horror flick, England fans are forced to suffer the ignominy of yet another glorious defeat at a major football finals. The ghost of 66’ leaves the fans with unrealistic pre-tournament expectations, quickly turning to fatalism and then anger as the recurring nightmare of disallowed goals and penalty misses raises its ugly head for another instalment in the series. The film features Antonio Banderas as Sven-Goran Erikkson and Timothy Spall as David Beckham.

August 4 Miami Vice

Michael Mann’s screen overhaul of the 1980s TV thriller sees the action transferred to Westminster. Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx play cops Crockett and Tubbs who are on a special mission to investigate the cash-for-peerages scandal. Al Pacino is Tony Blair. Ving Rhames plays John Reid.