Laws are like sausages

Iran. Pensions. UK energy policy. Faster coffee services for MPs. All pressing issues needing firm and decisive action from our nation’s legislators. Credit is due then to the Mother of Parliaments for the enquiry into the House of Commons Refreshment Department.

Contrary to media perception, the daily Commons menu does not consist of foie gras, truffles and Chateau Lafite. This is only available on the first Monday of every month. The modest fare on show is not the end of the story, however, as the humble researcher, if not the MP, is required to not only queue for their food but, horror of horrors, pay for it as well. A most disgraceful state-of-affairs and worthy of a thorough investigation.

While not quite Watergate, the Select Committee on Administration’s report does unveil a few tasty titbits, most notably in the written evidence submitted by MPs.

For Ming Campbell, leadership of the Lib Dems and searing critiques of British misadventure in Iraq are not enough. Ming is driven by a higher calling. He longs for a day when we can sip our House of Commons coffee in peace and prosperity:

RT HON SIR MENZIES CAMPBELL
The coffee arrangements in the Debate in Portcullis House are inconvenient and dangerous.

Dangerous? Really? Najaf? Yes. The Debate cafeteria. Possibly not.

Nia Griffith, the MP for Llanelli, comes to Ming's aid, however, when she outlines the nature of the Debate cafe threat:

NIA GRIFFITH
One small point, please ask them to reconsider the layout of the take away hot drinks as this currently involves dancing around each other with hot water ie step to the left to pick up paper cup, step to the right to put in tea bag, step to the left to put in hot water, step to the right to add milk, step to the left to get cover to put on cup. This should flow in one straight sequence.

The Rt Hon John ‘Marie Antoinette’ Redwood then chips in with a nod to populist politics. In what may be the Cameroonian Tories first policy decision Redwood suggests:

I think it would also be popular to offer cake more often at tea time.

Perhaps the finest contribution, however, is reserved for Andrew Turner, MP for the Isle of Wight, who submitted the following comments to the Committee:

One member of my staff comments that there is too much emphasis on "ethnic" meals and not enough choice of traditional English dishes (very simple items like cheese on toast would be welcome).

Ah, the old ‘member of my staff’ ruse. Just like the ‘friend with a personal problem’ one suspects. Come on Andrew. Have the courage of your convictions. Say it like it is. It's foreign muck and you don't like it.

(Hat-tip: MR)