The lost Rory Bremner transcripts

Found in a bin by the Channel 4 HQ, the remaining pages of the transcript of Rory Bremner impersonating Gordon Brown in his telephone conversation with Margaret Beckett when she was Environment Minister in May 2006.

MB: Did you see the news at lunchtime?

RB: A bit, yeah.

MB: So you saw the item on Darfur then? And the car bombings in Baghdad?

RB: No, I didn’t actually, no. I was working on a script, erm, sorry, I mean, a budget projection.

MB: It’s terrible, what’s going on, you know. And that’s not even accounting for the lazy cynicism of the culturati in this country. I mean, apart from anything else, there’s some people going on about Bush being the world’s No.1 terrorist. It is such lazy thinking, don’t you think?

RB: Well, quite. Erm. What did you think of Blair at PMQs the other day? Struggled a bit, didn’t he?

MB: Well, its panto isn’t it? There’s more heat than light really. Mind you, that Jon Culshaw did a great impression of Tony on Channel 4 the other night. Got him down to a tee.

RB: Jon Culshaw? I thought it was Rory-

[interruption]

MB: Oh yes, that’s right. The impression was good but the material was weak.

RB: Really?

MB: Yeah. I tell you who I do like though…that Alistair McGowan. He is good.

RB: Can’t say I’ve seen him.

MB: Oh you should do. His stuff is a bit lightweight. Entertaining though. Just what you need after a day spent scanning building regulations. Infinitely more bearable than the guy who always ‘does’ Richie Benaud.

RB: [puts on Benaud accent] That’s a nasty delivery.

MB: Hey! That’s good! Does Sarah know you can do that?

RB: Sarah? Oh…yes.

MB: The public should see a bit more of that from you. A bit of humour.

RB: Not too much though eh?

MB: Well, quite. People might mistake you for a comedian!

RB: ……

MB: I liked your speech at Chatham House the other day. Good to hear you move away from the Treasury brief a bit.

RB: Erm, thank you.

MB: It’s not easy. Trying to find an original voice.

RB: Nope.

MB: Trying to talk about issues without falling foul of cliché – its difficult. Challenging populist opinion rather than pandering to it. Trying not to be smug. Being brave in what we say. Taking uncomfortable decisions and confronting the glib and the ignorant. It’s difficult. Mind you, if we don’t do it, who will?

RB: Comedians?

MB: [Laughs] You are hilarious Gordon!

RB: Erm, thanks.